Just Say It

You’ll excuse me if I self-indulge for a minute or two.

Sometimes being Lily’s mom is hard. Please don’t misunderstand, I don’t think there is a mother out there who can’t say that it is a hard job – balancing responsibilities, conflicting needs, finding a balance that keeps you sane while still meeting the needs of those who depend on you – it’s a job for a superhero. So, while you’re reading this, please don’t think that I think our life is any harder, I’m just writing from my own experience as that’s all I know. That is what I mean by self-indulgence.

So yes, sometimes being Lily’s mom is hard. I recently mentioned that there is a significant difference between Lily’s chronological age (2 years, 9 months) and her developmental age. When I speak of that I mean how she is doing when we look at how she is developing as a person – hitting milestones like crawling or walking, her ability to speak and to understand – the skills that a person needs to become self-sufficient. While Lily may be almost 3 years old, developmentally she is closer in age to an 8 month old baby. Lately we’ve been incredibly pleased with her development as she moves into the fun age of a toddler – her new interest in eating, her fascination with the dog, totally getting a kick our of other kids – these are all amazing things. The first time that she laughed, a full out belly laugh, or squealed at the anticipation of being tickled, we stood there in shock and awe at how fast these developments are happening and how quickly she’s developing her own unique personality.

But, anyone who has ever been around a baby, knows that they also come with their fair share of frustrating, want to pull your hair out, moments and we’ve been experiencing that for more than 2 years now. That’s when it can get hard: when she is screaming for hours and won’t stop crying – can’t stop crying – and you wish for just that one moment that she could communicate; that she could just turn to us and say, “dudes, I am totally constipated, I have a tooth breaking my skin and you left me alone with these crazy people in white gowns who stuck a needle in my arm.” And while I would never, ever ever ever, change a single thing about that awe-inspiring little girl, there are times when the challenges become overwhelming and I’m left feeling frustrated, disappointed in myself and wondering if there isn’t something that I’m missing, more I could be doing. Most of the time we’re lucky as Jess and I rarely get to this point at the same time and we can be each other’s touchstone – a guide out of the dark spots. But this week has been challenging, in a no sleep, endless crying, wish we could understand what is wrong, kind of week. There have been tears – from Lily and from me and I would happily trade a crawling milestone for the talking one, even for just a single day.

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